Yep…damn it. It’s almost here. People keep asking me how I feel. Honestly-I don’t know how I feel.
I keep seeing articles about “letting your children go” and “how to take back your life when your children go to college” and I just honestly feel…numb. Not in the numb kind of way, like I need a bottle or a box of wine to help me through it, kind of thing, but in the way that I just didn’t know it would be here so fast.
She made me a mom before I should have been. I wasn’t even close to ready. Without my own purpose, she gave me one. I was terrified and elated and confused but there she was-this little bundle of energy that thought I was the greatest thing in the world.
She would wobble back and forth with her toddler stride, nearly falling, with Goodnight Moon in her hand and say,”read”. Even then she was definitive with what she wanted. When I was done she would say,”again”. “Again” became her favorite phrase. Whether it was watching my poor attempt at juggling or reading her favorite story, I would happily oblige. That smile was the greatest thing in the world.
Am I sad she’s going? My friends keep waiting for the catastrophic breakdown. I think I’m honestly good. Next week might be a different story.
She has been a part of my adult life since before I even knew how to be one, but that’s not what makes me sad. I sincerely love her. Not just because she’s my daughter, but I love the hell out of who she is. I love the thoughts she shares with me. I love that she encourages me to write and be brave, even when I’m suppose to be the one doing the leading. I love that she makes me see things in a different light. I love that I had the good fortune to become her mom and I am so blessed that I get to see her begin the next phase of her life. Watching her become who she was always suppose to be is the greatest gift I have ever had. I love that she has known she wanted to serve families and babies since she was one herself.
Next week will be sad. Me and Ben will have to find our new normal as we settle in to only seeing her long, sweeping hair and tiny hands maybe one day a month. With that, comes a swelling in my heart I haven’t known since the day she was born. She is about to fulfill her life’s purpose and I cannot wait to join her on this journey.
Thank you to the countless teachers, family and friends who helped her get to this place. It does take a village.
Letting go is hard, but watching the dance is pure heaven.
sharkmomma 